'Tis the season to be SPARKLY. Or if we're totally honest, it's not quite that season yet but I'm a forward planner and already way too over excited for Christmas (66 days!), so we're all going to have to pretend that this post isn't overly keen and totally too early in the year.

So with that said, here's all the sequinned, embellished and magpie-enticing bits and pieces that are on my festive must-have list right now. Unfortunately for me, post Barcelona mini-break (more on that coming soon) I am third world poor and unable to afford bread, cheese and beans to eat let alone a totally unnecessary beaded clutch bag or sequin jacket.

Honestly, I know I've said it before, but it's official; I am poorer than I've ever been IN MY LIFE. The slightly more annoying thing is that I have no one to blame but myself. I am poor by choice, after deciding to take the man in my life away for a birthday surprise, and I totally underestimated how much all the little bits add up. Once I'd got flights and accommodation covered (was feeling all smug) things like airport transfers, luggage allowances and day trips started jumping out at me. Anyway, in all honesty I don't regret my decision at all because 1. He absolutely deserves a treat and 2. I get a holiday out of it all.

Here's what I'm wishing for this month..

Missguided Khaki Utility Dress | £30

I know this is totally disregarding all fashion advice for people with short legs and less-than-slender ankles, but all I can think about now the nice weather is IN FULL SWING (yess) is lace-up shoes. Gladiators, flats or heels I've got a feeling my next purchase will look something like one of the gorgeous pairs below...

This post really is only for anyone who has been blessed (... cursed?) with boobs bigger than a G, so apols to others who happen to end up here but you can go and browse your vast array of delicate, lacey, backless, strapless, stick-on, front-closing, multi-way, wireless, embroidered, mesh, crop-top bras to console yourself while the rest of us congregate here in big-boobed sisterhood.

The truth is that settling for horrendously 'practical' (see: ugly) black, white or beige bras is a way of life for me, and it has been for some time. All clothing has to be chosen carefully around disguising those greying, straining extra thick shoulder straps (supposedly for more 'comfort' and 'support') and halter necks worn for any length of time undoubtedly cause lasting neck/shoulder damage. I know others can relate to that awful dull ache!

Back fat - a good sturdy roll on each side - is just inevitable because of the mandatory 3-clasp closure on these big bras. Pair the triple hooks with having to have the bra super tight around your middle to avoid under boob spillage or a black eye when your morning bus goes over a speed bump a little too quick and you've got no hope. Oh, and let's not forget that the extra secure closure also stops any spontaneous bra-whipping-off in a moment of passion, and even the most seasoned professional can't work out what on earth is going on when he reaches round to try and subtly / smoothly unleash the beasts. Que awkard struggle.

It's around this time of year that all the above bra complaints attempt to overshadow the excitement of booking any sort of holiday, because, joyfully , all these issues also apply to finding a bikini top that looks socially acceptable and actually holds anything in any sort of desirable position. The most un-ladylike thing has to be emerging from a pool / rising from a sun lounger / rolling over mid-tanning and having to heave both boobs upwards and together, whilst attempting to tuck away the excess flesh which has escaped sideways subtly under your arms.

Anyway, I clearly could (and sometimes do) talk about how damn IRRITATING it is that the boob life chose me (and don't get me started on brands charging MORE for big sizes), but I'm going to try and move this post along and give a shout out to ASOS, one of the only sites who are really trying to rectify this situation, especially in the field of swimwear. They've absolutely smashed it this year and I can't wait to start holiday shopping as soon as.

Here's my must-haves for Spring/Summer 2015 (some styles tested by my own colossal 32GG/34G chest and some great recommendations from similarly endowed pals). Enjoy.

I have a right old footwear fiasco when the weather starts to turn more Spring-y. I spend the entire time from October through to March in black boots or trainers and then suddenly, when I re-introduce lighter colours / less layers into my day-to-day wardrobe, they immediately look all butch and inappropriate on the end of my little legs.

Standard ballet pumps are a problem for me because they remind me so much of my later wilderness years - between the age of about 15 and 21 - where I just didn't know how to dress WHATSOEVER, so went for the most mainstream attire I could find and hoped for the best. They also just end up stinking - let's not be at all shy about this - at the end of a day where you've attempted to create a barrier between foot and shoe using a little elasticated 'pop sock' and it's just failed miserably. Not okay and so emotionally distressing when the damn sock pops off your ankle and rolls down inside your already slightly clammy pump. EW.

I suppose the next step towards summer would be foot exposure in some strappy sandals, but these are just way too too much too soon until about mid-July when the UK (hopefully) finally sees some proper sunshine. Also, I have a total aversion to pale feet in sandals so I'll need to actually catch some sun before that's resolved. 

I've been searching the internet for the perfect SHOES (not trainers, not boots, not sandals) and here's what's now on my purchase hit-list for March / April. 

For once, I got to spend the whole weekend with my ridiculous busy best bud. If she's not marking mountains of school books (she teaches horrific-sounding year 3s) she's having to go and look at wedding venues or to in-laws for roast dinners. I suppose that's how life is when you're a grown up (lol?) Anyway, I booked her in a while ago and made her promise to be free for the whole weekend and so, we had a right delightful time.

Saturday involved a shopping trip to Stratford Westfield - ya know, we pushed the boat out and ventured further than Oxford Circus on the central line - and a ridiculously huge 'snack' at TGIs. Not even a lie, we ate so much that for dinner we were both physically craving cold, crisp lettuce and not much else. I think when you've been trying to be healthy for a while (I really have been trying), your body doesn't react at all well to  a greasy carb-y overload. They say the key to sustaining a healthy lifestyle and loosing weight the right way is about changing your mental attitude towards food so maybe I'm getting there. I really did feel so sick and bad for all of about four hours.

As my treat - and a thank you for picking me as a bridesmaid - I booked us into the see the Wedding Dresses: 1775 - 2014 Exhibition at the V&A Museum on Sunday. 

We arrived early and weren't allowed in straight away so we wondered around the Exhibition Road area in the glorious sunshine and admired the houses we would buy if we were millionaires - to the point where we were discussing extensions and home improvements. Bless us. Oh, and having clearly moved on from the food-trauma of the previous day we decided it was only right to go for a Pret lunch and finish off with some Millie's cookies. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MY CHUBBY SELF. I mean, shout out to the praline & salted caramel cookie I could have eaten 10 times over, but still, I need to stop.

Anyway, the exhibition was really excellent. I was pleased we got 2 for 1 on the tickets (through an offer from notonthehightstreet.com) because at £12 each it's quite an expensive show for the size of it. Some posh types were walking about tutting about the cost but we thought that the actual wedding dresses there were pretty amazing. The displays included Gwen Stefani's and Kate Moss's dresses, plus the bits of written blurb were interesting and not too 'museumy' even for a heathen like myself. There was a short red-faced, cross-looking security guard following me about to make sure I didn't take photos but I managed to sneak a few shots when she got distracted by other people breaking the rules. Here's some of our faves from Jenny Packham and Vera Wang aka THE DREAM.

Being a girl of the particularly short / stumpy variety, finding the perfect black jumpsuit that isn't a metre too long in the leg has proved really quite tricky. Add into that the fact I usually need to go up a size to get the extra room for my boobs and bum, and that I would still like the option to sit down without the fear of ripping a seam / a horrific wedgie, and you start to see the problem here. 

Over the summer, I panicked about how long it was taking to find something that ticked my boxes and I panic-bought a really simple black version from River Island for £45. It's not that this jumpsuit is a dreadful fit but it weirdly pulls up and backwards and makes me feel a bit strangled, and at the end of the day it's so simple and so plain it's a slight disappointment to me. 

So about a month ago, and with Christmas plans looming over me, I re-started the quest for perfection. I just wanted a classic, well-fitting jumpsuit, with some sort of detailing to give it a point of difference. After traipsing around Topshop, River Island, Zara... - the usual suspects - I headed to New Look as an absolute last resort. Don't get me wrong, I do like NL, but find their separates are usually a better cut and nicer fit. 

HOW WRONG I WAS. This Black Jumpsuit (for just £34.99) is probably one of my favourite ever purchases. It's got a boned, lace-covered, sweetheart bodice and tailored peg leg trousers. It's not miles too long (I just wore it with the hem folded up), the bodice really sucks in my waist and the eyelash lace is a pretty detail around the neckline. I mean, I'll stop obsessing over it now, but I really can't recommend this enough. 

FIND IT ONLINE HERE. It's pretty much true to size overall, I only bought a size bigger to allow myself to breathe easily - the cups in the bodice are cut SMALL and four boobs isn't a great look.

Clutch bags are having such a fashion moment and I love it. The trouble with me is, I have a couple of drinks and put my precious bag down in a spilt drink / on the toilet floor etc. Perhaps in 2015 I'll be ladylike enough to treat myself to one of the two gorgeous Aldo beaded box clutches? For now, I think I could get along very well with the "Worst Behaviour" bag or the "J'Adore" nude number. Or, seeing as I truly have no money (thanks, Black Friday) I won't get friendly with any of these bags. Wahh.

Worst Behaviour Clutch Bag - Missguided, £18

M&S really pick and choose their 'moments' don't they? I mean, overall, they really need to learn to be far more consistent; sometimes you walk in there and see rails and rails of dull and drab and sometimes, LIKE RIGHT NOW WHEN I HAVE NO MONEY, there's about twenty things I'm struggling to live without. From luxe faux leather to bejewelled skinny jeans, and fluffy / embellished jumpers to playful slogan clutch bags... their Limited Edition Christmas 2014 collection is absolutely doing it for me. Yum.

Winter lips.

It has to be said that my Halloween celebrations (?) have been pretty tame since I left uni. Last year, having just moved in together, Ria and I decided that instead of socialising with anyone at all we would get into bed and turn off all the lights so people would think we were out and didn't come trick-or-treating. I wish I was joking. 

This year, all of the girls have found renewed we-must-do-something energy, so we're keeping an eye out for the perfect event where we can all dress up, have a dance and I can maybe find a husband, you know, before I'm 50. 

I was flapping about, as I do, about what I was going to dress up as and how much money I would have to spend to get an effective outfit together. But, thanks to Ria (good egg all round), who has clearly spent her day on Pinterest and been forwarding me inspirations, here's what I've settled on.

I've been wanting the high-waisted leather (not leather) shorts from Bershka anyway so I think this is a great excuse and it would be rude not to treat myself, and I'm loving the cut out feature on this off-white shirt from Boohoo. 

Is it normal to have your entire outfit planned a week in advance? I'm a forward-planner to the point where I dream about outfits and have to get up to text ideas to myself so I don't forget them again. 

Next weekend I'm off to pre-drinks at my ex-boyfriend's flat. Seriously though. And whilst we're totally just friends and I'm more than comfortable around him, there will be OTHER GIRLS there and that means it's absolutely necessary to look ridiculously hot and as skinny as possible (hard when I got over-excited about my roomy new freezer last night so celebrated by buying ice-cream). Even if I try and pretend that no one will know who I am, the whisper will go round the room "that's his ex.." and I'll be so judged, there's no denying that.

So, here's the plan. I ordered the below wrap top from ASOS today because 1/ I had a return refunded so would have been rude not to, and 2/ because you know, when you've got jeans on, a bit of boob never hurt anyone.

The lipstick - Topshop Screen Siren - is the best red I've ever found for complimenting my skin tone, and it's staying power is really good. I just don't have the money to be spending on MAC, even though everyone swears by their lipsticks. 

The pewter bag (bottom right) is actually not even in proper existence yet. I mean, one of them exists, and it's a sample at work. It's going to be called the Pandora and will be released by Paul's Boutique for our Spring 2015 collection, but I'm hoping I can borrow the design team's sample for one weekend. Maaaajor bonus of working for a handbag brand.

In the past week my Kardashian obsession has stepped up a level (I know, I didn't think it was possible either).

After seeing Kim in London wearing an oversized red fur stole/scarf thing last week I purchased this gorgeous plum version from my BFF eBay. I'm actually a bit scared though, because I usually only buy from UK sellers and this is coming all the way from China so I'd say it's kind of debatable whether it will actually ever arrive at mine. It was £19 with free postage too, which seems a little too good to be true. 

Secondly, after spending lots of time wondering whether Kylie Jenner had surgery or not, and ultimately deciding I don't care because she's an almighty babe, I also popped to Boots and bought myself a lip-coloured lip liner. Most people in the "no surgery" camp have credited her ridic pout to a good makeup artist so I've been experimenting with drawing just outside the lip line and using Clarins Natural Lip Perfecter to finish. I'm not going to lie, I'm not great at getting this looking ideal just yet, but practice makes perfect.

Everyone keep your fingers crossed that my parcel arrives successful from China (in two weeks, economy delivery) and that I don't end up looking like a drag queen with lip fillers on Saturday night.

Really struggling to get into the REGULARLY blogging cycle. It's been a week since my last pot *tut*, but at least it means I've got quite a bit to share.

WHAT I BOUGHT

Despite having to be really careful with money due to the imminent flat move, I couldn't actually resist this River Island coat any longer. After trying it on in lilac and posting about it a little while ago, I had an almost-sensible moment and decided that if I was going to fork out £90 on it, I had better get the neutral creamy-beige colour so that it's more timeless. I'm OBSESSED with it and have been stroking it every day so now I just need the cold cold weather to hurry up so I can strut about in it and love my life.

Alsooo, as previously discussed my semi-permanant eyebrows are now complete. They've healed beautifully (I'll do an update post asap) and don't really need any makeup on them at all. In fact, for the first time since I was 16 I've thrown away my eyebrow pencil (*shimmies*) but, obviously there are times when I wear heavier eye-makeup and I bought this Gosh Brow Defining Pen, as recommended by Steff the eyebrow saviour, just to touch up lighter areas and give my brows more night-out impact. It's amazing and genuinely doesn't rub off AT ALL. It's available at Superdrug.

WHAT I ATE

I've literally been struck down by a terrible flu-like illness, so instead of going out-out on Saturday night, me and my two best gal pals decided we wouldn't venture too far from home. Luckily for us, a brand new Mexican Tequila bar has opened literally just down the road from me in Shepherd's Bush. It's called Habanera and the tacos and cocktails are beauuuuuutiful. We were back home by 10 and all piled into Ria's bed to watch a film and eat ice-cream. Ideal.



WHERE I WENT
Last night was Vogue's Fashion's Night Out on Oxford Street and because we're sick of going home and getting straight into our pyjamas (tragic), Ria and I decided to have a wonder up and down the road and see what was going on.

After successfully missing the free champagne in River Island and arriving too late for the Vogue editor's speeches at Selfridges, we headed to Topshop where we entered a couple of prize draws (rudely we didn't win) and got these jazzy, sparkly lips done. I mean, in hindsight this was a weird and wrong decision because as soon as the novelty had worn off (after about five minutes) the glitter got in our teeth and we felt all horrid and crusty for the rest of the evening.

Grey Snake Print Midi Dress - River Island - £40

Real Leather Oversized Clutch bag - ASOS - £25

Black Long-sleeved Cropped Top - Topshop - £10

Nude Faux Leather Pencil Skirt - River Island - £30

RAIN Chain Sandals with Snakeskin - Topshop - £48

Cream Ribbed Striped Top - River Island - £18

Leather-look Peg Leg Trousers - Topshop £35

Not only true love, but also love at first sight. In truth, I'm not even meant to be going shopping because it's too risky and I can't be trusted to not spend anything on frivolities. But I'm blaming my best friend Laura for this one, because she needed to go into town to buy a present for someone she works with and on passing River Island she casually suggested we should have a look around.

What's happened is that I am now totally and utterly head over heels in love with this coat.

The colour, Lilac (not sure why R.I have called it blue?), is probably/definitely totally impractical for London's grimy tube and bus services and also might surprise people who know how I feel about lilac in general (i.e. very medium). The fur collar, however, is definitely rather me if I don't say so myself and overall I'm a massive fan. Maybe lilac is the way forward.

I NEED THIS but at £90 I'm wondering if I'll ever own it. Would it be too soon to present my Mum with a Christmas wish list including JUST THIS? Gahd.

Topshop MOTO Soft Denim Boyfriend shirt - £34

River Island Grey Mohair Turtle Neck Crop Jumper - £30

Topshop Stripe Ribbed Sweat by Boutique - £45

River Island Black Supersoft High-Waisted Leggings - £22

Topshop MOTO Jamie Salt & Pepper Jeans - £45

Topshop Ripped Baggy Jeans by Boutique - £55

Office Converse All Star Low White Canvas - £44.99

New Look Black Chunky Sole Pointed Shoe Boots - £27.99

Topshop Kangaroo Espadrilles in Black - £45