1. I wonder how many times have I snoozed my alarm? Oh god, did I accidentally turn it off!? PANIC STATIONS.. I've probably been asleep for like half an hour since it went off and now I am going to be so damn late. Ha, that makes a change.. NAHT.

2. Right I'm going to lay here all snug and warm and plan what to wear before I get up. I work in FASHION so it's about time I really tried and be more FASHIONABLE. Might even wear a jazzy necklace and heeled boots. Yolo.

3. So I'm wearing jeans, a chunky knit and converse again. Forget dress-down Friday I'm doing dress-down everyday bitchessss. Good grief I really should have washed my hair. Everyone on this tube looks so fresh and well put together. Oh, and they are all getting off a Hanger Lane... Where is there to work in Hanger Lane? Mmm. River Island Head Office. I see, I see.

4. I hope the office door is on the latch so I don't have to ring the doorbell like DING DONG HIYA I'M LATE. I'll just sneak in via the kitchen so it looks like I've been here faffing about for a while.

5. 11am. Too early for lunch and I literally had breakfast two hours ago. My stomach is genuinely already rumbling and I know people know, and they know I know, they know. What is wrong with me? Maybe I've got a super fast metabolism? Problem is, I've been using using the excuse of "having a slow metabolism" to explain the expanse of extra weight I'm lugging about on my thighs for the past five years.

6. Midday. Do I want to go Sainsbury's? YES I DO and I thought you'd never ask. I've been hungry since like, forever. So, what's everyone else getting for lunch? I'm going to go with the flow and be healthy. 'Glorious' Skinny Soup for lunch (again) and I'll drink lots of water with it so I feel more full. Oh, life.

7. I wonder if a Daim Bar and some fizzy strawberry laces totally cancel out the goodness of the vegetable soup? Really, I should so re-download the Fitness Pal app so I can see exactly what I'm eating and get back on track before Christmas. The issue with that app is that you can't lie to yourself or it's pointless, and I quite like living in denial. Maybe I'll just allow myself to get festively plump and sort myself out in 2015.

8. I mean, thank the baby Jesus that another day is over. I've got such square eyes from my computer. I wonder what this evening will hold? I'm a young, single, twenty-something living in London and I should go for drinks / to a gallery / on a date. PAH. Can't wait to get my PJs on and watch Geordie Shore. Howay.

9.  Why does no one else rush in the evenings? No, really, please walk as slowly as possible down the platform and then why not stand on the WALKING SIDE OF THE ESCALATOR? Don't worry about getting your oyster card out UNITL you're right at the gate, that's always a dream. Weird weird weird. This morning, I swear I saw all these fools tutting at people and rushing past to get to work?! Surely, they've got it entirely the wrong way around? RUN HOME JACK, RUN HOME. Hah, a quote from Hook. I love that film.

10. Oh good heavens, who the heck is messaging me at SEVEN PM asking if I want to do something?! Are you actually kidding? I've taken my makeup and underwear off and I certainly will not be putting any of either back on. I'm quite happy laying here, with spot cream all up in my grill, sending ugly selfies to my best friends, thanks.