This post really is only for anyone who has been blessed (... cursed?) with boobs bigger than a G, so apols to others who happen to end up here but you can go and browse your vast array of delicate, lacey, backless, strapless, stick-on, front-closing, multi-way, wireless, embroidered, mesh, crop-top bras to console yourself while the rest of us congregate here in big-boobed sisterhood.
The truth is that settling for horrendously 'practical' (see: ugly) black, white or beige bras is a way of life for me, and it has been for some time. All clothing has to be chosen carefully around disguising those greying, straining extra thick shoulder straps (supposedly for more 'comfort' and 'support') and halter necks worn for any length of time undoubtedly cause lasting neck/shoulder damage. I know others can relate to that awful dull ache!
Back fat - a good sturdy roll on each side - is just inevitable because of the mandatory 3-clasp closure on these big bras. Pair the triple hooks with having to have the bra super tight around your middle to avoid under boob spillage or a black eye when your morning bus goes over a speed bump a little too quick and you've got no hope. Oh, and let's not forget that the extra secure closure also stops any spontaneous bra-whipping-off in a moment of passion, and even the most seasoned professional can't work out what on earth is going on when he reaches round to try and subtly / smoothly unleash the beasts. Que awkard struggle.
It's around this time of year that all the above bra complaints attempt to overshadow the excitement of booking any sort of holiday, because, joyfully , all these issues also apply to finding a bikini top that looks socially acceptable and actually holds anything in any sort of desirable position. The most un-ladylike thing has to be emerging from a pool / rising from a sun lounger / rolling over mid-tanning and having to heave both boobs upwards and together, whilst attempting to tuck away the excess flesh which has escaped sideways subtly under your arms.
Anyway, I clearly could (and sometimes do) talk about how damn IRRITATING it is that the boob life chose me (and don't get me started on brands charging MORE for big sizes), but I'm going to try and move this post along and give a shout out to ASOS, one of the only sites who are really trying to rectify this situation, especially in the field of swimwear. They've absolutely smashed it this year and I can't wait to start holiday shopping as soon as.
Here's my must-haves for Spring/Summer 2015 (some styles tested by my own colossal 32GG/34G chest and some great recommendations from similarly endowed pals). Enjoy.
