Slow and steady...

08:48

Slow and steady... Wins the race! And actually, it's something that I've had to really take on board, and it's a saying that pretty much sums up my entire relationship over the past 9 months. 

I don't fall for people very easily. I have previously been known to completely 'go-off' perfectly eligible suitors because they gave me too-cute pet names or were nothing but too nice to me. I've also had to disappear suddenly on someone because he liked yoghurt too much (I cannot STAND watching people eat yoghurt) and another guy because he breathed too loudly. Mmhm, I know, and I'm ashamed. 

Anyway, what I'm saying is; it takes me quite some time to find someone I can really get in to. But, on the couple of occasions someone has managed to get my attention and stick around for a while, I then switch suddenly from cold to keen, and find myself always rushing ahead in my mind to the 'next stage'.

I don't mean the next stage as in I start expecting proposals, babies, marriages.. but I mean I have previously constantly searched for regular reassurance and verbal confirmation that things are going in the same direction for both of us. I'm not ashamed to say that I used to crave overly-loving goodnight texts and messages to wake up to in the morning, full of mushy and 'forced' words.

In my long-term relationship, I used to tragically fish for compliments all the time just to hear that the man in question was still keen. I think I always wanted to know that they still felt the same about me as they did the day/week/month before rather than just sitting back and enjoying moments together, because perhaps I was always subconsciously aware that I wasn't in a totally secure pairing, even though I gave that person my ALL.

In hindsight, the underlaying problem was the immaturity of the situation; me, and the guy, and the relationship as a whole, and I suppose you learn loads from your first love that you then know never  EVER to repeat. I spent a long time (four years....) being single and working on just being me, and a big part of that was spent repeating to myself in the mirror that I would never give more than I got in return ever again. 

So, with all that said and all being nicely tucked away in my past... I think that (dare I say it?!) for the first time, I might be (eek) in a very realistic, healthy and honest relationship.

It all sort of started without either of us looking for anything serious, so we did have some wobbles about whether it was worth diving into or not. I mean, my wobble lasted about a day (...I'm lying it was about an hour he's literally scrumptious) but he definitely had more soul-searching to do than me.

Usually that would have really panicked me, especially so early in to whatever it was we had, but I stayed calm and explained to him why I thought we could work. He listened to me, and it took him a while to come back to me with the answer I wanted to hear, but I knew that at least he had taken proper time to think about things and had emotionally dealt with whatever came before me so we could start again 'properly'.

And that's one of my favourite things about him; he doesn't say anything in haste and would rather say nothing at all than to blurt out something he doesn't mean. Sometimes I have had to wait days until he fully processes something I've said in a disagreement, but I know that he takes that time 'out' to consider the issue from my point of view before he comes back to me with his side of things, and when he does speak, he's always armed with complete but balanced honesty.

Rather than his texts being packed full of hearts and smileys, he 'checks in on me' regularly to see how my day is, and that's enough to let me know that he's thinking about me. We have grown-up conversations about work, family, and the world around us. Conversations move from serious and emotional to our favourite university memories and most drunken moments without either of us noticing, and we belly laugh together as much as we sit in comfortable silence.

I think what I'm trying to say here is that I've met my equal. He doesn't let me get too comfortable and he'll confront me with a completely opposite opinion if that's how he feels, but he's kind and comforting and insanely supportive of my dreams and career. He doesn't flatter me with false praise  but picks the perfect moments to quietly let me know that he cares about me. We're not rushing ahead, but instead taking the time to properly enjoy milestone moments - our first weekend away, birthdays together and meeting each other's families.

After spending all that time single and rebuilding myself after the biggest (thank-god-it-happened-but-crushing-at-the-time) break-up of my life, I think I can safely say that he's just what I was waiting for and I'm so happy that we bumped into each other when we did.

Lx




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