"You're in your prime!"

Why do people keep saying this to me all the time at the moment? Possibly because they're trying to humour me, reassure me and be too kind while I whinge loudly about my scruffy, tired, dodgy-fake-tanned appearance every day. Or possibly because they actually think it, and I'm not sure which is worse. I instantly feel the need to let people know that I can do better, I CAN put more effort in to my appearance and I CAN look better than this.

We've got a very casual dress code in my office, and boy do I take advantage of that. Today I'm wearing a grey hoody with foundation around the neck and ripped jeans with lentil soup on the leg. (Lentil soup because I'm on a horrific diet which makes me want to dive into a swimming pool of burgers and chips). I went to sleep with wet hair last night because I was just too tired to dry it and I woke up with a tangled nest on my head. So, after sleeping through my alarm, it was forcibly tied into a sort of pineapple bun with straggly bits hanging down around my face and curls sprouting sideways. I was going for shabby chic and it just didn't come together for me.

I swing between the extremes - I either step out of my house looking like a crack addict or I've spent ten hours on the perfect smokey eye, contoured cheeks and poker straight hair. I feel like someone truly in their 'prime' would look effortless, glowing and radiant every day. So, that's that.


"You don't need to have your life totally sorted yet!"

This is probably true. But usually when (older) people give me this advice it's followed by a story about how they were married at 22 and fully immersed in their life-long career by 24. I know times change and they are only saying this to explain how 'that was then'... and I know I'm further ahead than some of my peers, but the pressure I put on myself and the sheer amount of over-thinking I do is just not healthy.

Don't get me wrong here - I don't want to get married, or grow up too quick but I do think it's harder than ever for our generation to enter the world of 'real' adult hood. How are we EVER going to afford a house? Do we have to rent forever? But then, we can't even paint walls or put up shelves and that's so irritating. And if we have to rent forever, we can't even save any money 'for a rainy day' because renting drains every bank account we own. In which case, can we ever risk changing jobs... if we can even find a job when four thousand people apply for every role. If it doesn't work out and we get immediately fired (dramatic, yes), how will we pay our bills? And if everything goes to POT, will our parents accept us back into their homes?!


"I don't think you need to lose weight, BUT...

- a healthier lifestyle will make you feel better about yourself
- it's nice to get more toned and defined
- you might enjoy exercise, it's a good way of meeting new friends
- it will help your energy levels and you'll sleep so well"

These are all really polite ways of saying 'GET YOURSELF TO THE GYM WOMAN'. Sometimes, we all throw the net out there and fish for compliments about ourselves. You know, when you start a conversation with a self-depreciating tone and hope that one of your audience will pick you up with "you're absolutely perfect as you are." This reply doesn't happen for me anymore, and it's definitely been a '26' thing. Reassurance has been so lacking that I spent a good couple of hours Facebook stalking myself to see if I was drastically thinner when I was 25, but I had to conclude that I am much the same. This made me think that it's because I am now OLD, and those around me are worried that if I don't do something now I will spend my 30's / rest of my life obese. Like, maybe they feel I'm on a slippery slope these days and that the weight will just creep on.

Anyway, as mentioned above I have put myself on a diet and booked myself into three-times-weekly Zumba Tone lessons. I've been on the diet a week and a half and do genuinely already feel a little less 'cuddly'. I have to agree with people that being more toned would be a delight, and that a healthier lifestyle can only benefit me, but I wouldn't say I'm someone who will ever 'enjoy' exercise. Maybe it's a middle-aged thing, that exercise suddenly becomes absolutely necessary so that you don't turn into a sofa slug, and up until this point I was winging it. Panic stations.

I know this is totally disregarding all fashion advice for people with short legs and less-than-slender ankles, but all I can think about now the nice weather is IN FULL SWING (yess) is lace-up shoes. Gladiators, flats or heels I've got a feeling my next purchase will look something like one of the gorgeous pairs below...

It has to be said that I am a little too obsessed with interiors & home furnishings. To the point where I am constantly forming plans that are far bigger than 1. My Budget and 2. The amount of space I actually have in my diddy little studio flat. To try and scratch my itch without heading straight into my overdraft or becoming one of those weird crammed-in hoarders, I'm constantly adding new candles, cushions, and wall art to my online wish lists (currently on Next, NotOnTheHighStreet and M&S), but recently I've been lusting after a much bigger item; An armchair. 

After quite a while explaining exactly what kind of shabby chic/vintage chair I want to a clearly interested Kieran on the phone last week, he gently reminded that I really don't have the room for such a piece of furniture. Then, even when I started trying to convince myself that I could move my drawers to the end of the bed and cram a chair in the corner by the door, I was bought crashing back down to earth by the realisation that by having anything at the end of my bed, my fridge wouldn't open. Yes, my flat is that small.

Anyway, this blog is mostly full of me harping on about items that I wish I could own and never will, so why break the habit. Here's the armchairs I'd be snuggled up in if I could.. (yes, they're all ridiculously pricey.)

So, I'm having a restless moment with my hair and feel like doing something jazzy. The thing is, the last time I had this urge I made the HUGE mistake of getting a blunt bob (Dawn O'Porter was my inspo because her hair is so babe-alicous) and I felt butch and ugly for all the years it took to grow back. This time, I'm toying with three ideas...

Fringe. Literally anyone who reads this blog and actually knows me will be rolling their eyes right now. I've switched between fringe / side fringe / no fringe my whole life on an almost constant revolving pattern, and every time I get a fringe cut I quite quickly remember that I am a hot/flustered human and that the slightest bit of moisture from my forehead / the atmosphere causes a horrific parting and a 'curtain' effect. Not cool.

Balayage. Having super dark brown hair can get boring. People with mid-coloured hair have all the fun - they're free to go lighter or darker or PINK (yolo) willy nilly as the mood takes them, and trends like dip-dye and ombre (circa 2013/2014) were just made for them. This year however, a new technique has really taken off: the balayage. This far more subtle (and less damaging) approach to a dip dye actually works quite well even if the roots are left really dark, and instead of blonde, brunettes like me are going for caramel/lighter brown ends. I'm going to go and have a consultation with a good hairdresser and see whether this is something that could work for me. Dun dun dunn.

Perm. My natural hair is actually pretty curly but after many years of fighting it into straight submission, the curls are a bit fragile and generally uneven; the ends barely curl while the roots and back corkscrew and tangle. I've been toying with the idea of a perm for ages and think that now my hair is long and (almost) all one length it could be the time to take the plunge, grow out my fringe, and go for a really curly perm. The thing is, it's either this OR the balayage colour/fringe. Or, to be honest, probably not one of these great ideas is going to fly because I've barely got money for cheese/bread/milk let alone a hair re-style. 

Oh hello there, it's me again. My excuse for a lack of blogging activity this time is that I've had a  couple of months where it's felt like my body has been fighting against me and malfunctioning in a way I've never experience before. It all started with a bad cold at the end of January, developed into a chest infection which strained my rib (again), my attractive face-eczema joined the party with a major flare-up in February, and it all climaxed with a horrific kidney infection at the end of March. So, I didn't feel much like blogging loads and I truly spent so much time napping in bed feeling sorry for myself I genuinely wondered if I was getting seasonal affective disorder on the side (drama queen). 

Anyway, coming out the other side (I'm aliiiiiiiveeeee!) I thought now was as good a time as any to big up some beauty/skincare/hair care products that have helped to make me feel a little bit more like me again. So here's my top 5 must-haves for May. 

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1. Nothing new to see here, but I really have done some pretty intense research in the conditioning treatment market and have ended up back where I started. I always used to be loyal to Aussie haircare, but talked myself into being really put off by the prices of  last year when I was being "sensible". Silly really, as Boots & Superdrug regularly have three-for-two offers on their shampoos/conditioners/treatments and BOOM I'm back in love with the 3-Minute Miracle Reconstructer. 

2. This was a lovely birthday gift from my friend Emma. I've owned a few Topshop beauty bits in the past but never one of these Lip Polishes. I have always liked their lipsticks but found them a little drying and I literally HATE claggy (you heard), patchy colour at the end of a night. Lo and behold, this lip glaze remedies that problem and is so moisturising (as well as long-lasting) that I wanted to kiss myself when I wore it on Saturday night. 

3. Thanks to Jessie J, who posted this wonder product on her Instagram feed, my eczema is now fully under my control. If I'm a little tired or run down and I can feel the familiar itchy/dry sensation building, all I have to do is sleep with a 'mask' of this thick oily cream on my face and it can nip a flare-up in the bud. If I leave it too late and my skin is irritated, it's the only thing that calms and cools it. Honestly, BUY THIS NOW if you suffer from any sort of dry skin complaint. You sooo won't regret it.

4. Oh, Baby Skin Anti-Fatigue Primer from Maybelline, how did I ever live without you?! This cheeky little tube of joy really does do what it says on the tin, quickly and easily blurring away eye bags, imperfections or uneven skin texture to give you a fresh-faced appearance. When I don't want to wear any makeup (or am feeling rough) this is my go-to, but it also sits nicely underneath foundation/powder as a base. A teeny tiny blob of this goes a really long way, so whilst £7.49 looks like a lot of money for the amount of product, I'd say it's worth it.

5. AND FINALLY, those amongst you with too much time on your hands might realise that I've mentioned this product before. So the fact that it's popped up here AGAIN tells you that I do think it's really rather bloody excellent. After years of drawing on my brows with pencils, I finally took the plunge and now have a gorgeous set of semi-permanent brows which I'm deeply in love with. Really, they don't need any touching up on a daily basis, but if I'm rocking particularly dark eye-makeup or I'm nearing my next treatment and the tattoo has faded slightly, this Gosh Brow Pen is ideal for filling in a bit of colour and shade. It won't smudge or budge until you use makeup remover so it's a great holiday companion because sweat (mmm) and swimming pools won't phase it.